Maybe We Should Have Rented A Movie
by Giver of Roses
Summary: Barti and Nat go to the movies.But after a mishap involving an old man and a ferret,the disappearance of Nat. Barti attempts to take over the human world as we know it via time travel and Prague.Something goes wrong.He finds himself on a ship.pirate ship


Nathaniel and Bart. go to the theater and encounter odd people, Bart. goes back in time and ends up in one of the last places you would expect him to end up in... May continue, depends on how many reviews I get. Please review!

Bartimaeus sighed heavily and dragged a disoriented Nathaniel through the theater and shoved him into a seat. He then started chucking popcorn at the people below him mainly at the disgruntled old man with a scarred face, half a nose, swiveling eye, and an abnormally large trunk, with six to many locks, in his hands.

" This 'un will work. Yep. Will work.", Nathaniel muttered to himself.

"I highly doubt that."

_"Come again?"_

". . ."

"Whatever..." Nathaniel said, a bit too loudly.

"SHUT UP THE MOVIE'S STARTIN' !" Yelled the man with the swiveling eye. . . Who then got a face full of popcorn and Orange soda. (Courtesy of Bartimaeus of course.) The man wiped his face, gave Bartimaeus a dark look, hunched himself over and began muttering to a stick he was holding.

"So..._Mandrake._ What movie are we watching?" Bartimaeus asked. All Nathaniel heard was a high squeaking sound coming from a long furry creature now perched on his left shoulder.

Unfortunately, due to a particularly _nasty _involving fire-breathing salad tongs, cats, a blue box of paperclips, and a ferret. Nathaniel had developed a strong phobia of ferrets, which, to Nathaniel's growing horror and the old man's insane pleasure, just happened to be the one creature in the universe that Bartimaeus had decided to turn into...

When Nathaniel looked over and saw two large maroon eyes, the nefariously long whiskers, rapier sharp teeth, and the small twitching pink nose, he knew it could only mean two things. One: It was a ferret, and Two: It was going to kill him.

"AAAAAH FERRET! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!". The old man keeled over from laughing so hard and a blonde boy two rows down from him startled violently and dove under his chair shrieking about his father, a gnarled cane, detention, and pottery.

Needless to say, Bartimaeus and Nathaniel were kicked out of the Theater and were now experiencing the painful realization of being banned from every Theater on the continent for the next three months. They were now sitting on the curb looking VERY bored.

"I wanted to see a movie" said Nathaniel, sniffling.

"Now what?"

"How am I supposed to know?! Wait-"

"-Don't worry, _I'm_ not going anywhere..."

"I have an idea. . . " Nathaniel puffed out his chest and raised his arms. The djinni simply stared. Nathaniel raised his arms another inch, waiting.

"Well..."

The djinni sighed and looked away.

"Aren't you supposed to say something?"

"Like what? Beginner's luck? I've said that before..."

Nathaniel jumped to his feet, still waiting. "Oh never mind."

"Can you go back in time?"

"...If this is about the whole Atlantis thing, it was an accident and Faquarl is a liar."

Nathaniel blinked. "_What?"_

"Or about Pompeii, that wasn't my fault either..."

"Because if you _can_ go back in time then we can-"

"-Keep Atlantis from sinking? Prevent Honorius from escaping Gladstone's crypt? Overthrow the Prague Empire and take over and rule the world as we know it with an iron fist?"

"Ah, no. Not that. . ."

"Well then what's the point of going back to the past?" Bartimaeus was now annoyed that his plan of world domination

(which would then lead to at least a century's worth of bragging rights over Faquarl.) was slighted.

"I was thinking we could catch an earlier showing of the movie. . . "

Bartimaeus was silent.

". . . Why are you. . . looking at me like that? What?"

" _Why?"_

"Oh. . . I just...Want to see a movie. . . And this is supposed to be a REALLY good movie. . ."

"WHAT MOVIE?"

"I'm not going to tell you. . .",Nathaniel crossed his arms and stuck up his nose.

". . . Fine. Be that way."

" Lets go find Kitty. She likes pirates."

"That was random... Can we get popcorn?" Bartimaeus suggested. (Merely to continue being random, not that he actually enjoyed popcorn, djinni don't eat, remember?)

"Nah. . . Lets sneak in candy. That's always fun, and the pirate comment WAS NOT random."

Fifteen M&M packages, three cotton candy balls, seven skittles, and nine lollypops later. . . They were back on the curb in front of the Theater, Kitty was nowhere in sight, and Nathaniel had grown disturbingly attached to a blue box of paperclips and had bailed when he spotted a bald man swirling his black cloak and laughing menacingly...

Bartimaeus, on the other hand, had just discovered a costume shop and was now dressed as a soldier of Prague, and trying to remember the correct time spell...

Bartimaeus opened his eyes and groggily got to his feet. His vision was blurry and he was rocking back and forth, he staggered forward, landing hard against a wood side. He still had the sensation of rocking, and when his vision cleared the first thing he noticed was the black mahogany beneath his hands and the blinding, turquoise ocean.

"YOU! WATCH OUT!". Bartimaeus looked up to see a black mast and black patched sail hurl toward him at an alarming speed. Suddenly, he knew he wasn't in London anymore. He was in trouble.

**What do you think? Be honest. PLEASE REVIEW. Points for anyone who can identify all the movie and book references used. please review!! Reviews make my day!**

_Bartimaeus opened his eyes and groggily got to his feet. His vision was blurry and he was rocking back and forth, he staggered forward, landing hard against a wood side. He still had the sensation of rocking, and when his vision cleared the first thing he noticed was the black mahogany beneath his hands and the blinding, turquoise ocean. _

_"YOU! WATCH OUT!". Bartimaeus looked up to see a black mast and black patched sail hurl toward him at an alarming speed. Suddenly, he knew he wasn't in London anymore. He was in trouble. _

His head was on fire, and if he could have, he would have been screaming. But his limbs were throbbing, too heavy and painful for him to move. The warm liquid he could feel pooling alongside his head was another reason he could neither scream nor move. All he _could _do was focus on remaining conscious, but it was hard, he heard anxious voices in the distance, they were being drowned out by the sound of his heart beating, loud and painful in his ears. He was vaguely aware of being lifted up and place on a bed. There was another thought running around his head, nagging at him, something he should know, something he desperately needed to acknowledge. But the moment he hit the bed, his world blacked out completely. Obliterating the alarm that had been going off inside.

He woke up disoriented, aching, and starving. Heart pumping madly at his sudden movement.

A _heartbeat?! _He shouldn't have one...Djinni didn't _have _a heart in the literal sense, even when in the form of a human...and he was hungry. Djinni didn't eat either... Something had gone wrong with his time spell. Terribly wrong.

Bartimaeus leaned back against the simple baseboard, trying to access the other planes of sight. He couldn't. He then attempted a small detonation, but felt stupid after five minutes holding his hand in the air and squinting like a pug. This could only mean one thing. Bartimaeus gagged, hardly able to fathom the monstrosity of the situation... He was human.

Meanwhile, centuries into the future and thousands of miles away, Nathaniel was buried under hundreds of books, each one much larger and with much smaller print then the last.

He had reread _Magician's Guide to Prague , _and found nothing on time spells.

_The Curious Ways of the Bedouin Shaman _also useless. He had even read all four volumes in the _Obscure and _

_Potent Phraseology of Merlin _series. And now he was peeved...

He _still _hadn't seen the movie, and he could see the bald man in cape pacing outside the library windows. (Which was making him paranoid, just ask the dust bunnies who were destroyed...about three minutes ago)

Just to reassure himself, he pulled out his blue box, crooning to it, completely oblivious to the concerned tourists edging slowly away from him. He also didn't see the caped man enter the library, sit across from him, and place a knapsack with pictures of smashed boxes on it in front of Nathaniel. (Who is, by the way, still consoling his paperclips and unconcerned about anything else in the world. Good or Evil.)

The door banged open, and in rushed a very disheveled young woman by the name of Kitty. Muttering unintelligibly and lugging what could easily be the ugliest hand bag in the universe (Or _universes _o' course.), she trudged her way to the closest table and plopped into the chair next to Capey. (Aka; The-Creepy-Bald-One-In-Black-Cape-Holding-

Long- Stick-Man)

As expected, (_Expected _by the All-Knowing-Author, and _suspected _by readers)Nathaniel saw and heard _nothing_. But hey, you can't see _everything _now can you? Or in this case, you can't see _anything_, when referring to Nathaniel in his...UNUSUAL...state of mind. 'UNUSUAL', meaning Nathaniel suffering from any or all of the following symptoms : Crooning and muttering to inanimate objects, defending said object against foes real or imagined despite risk of loss of limb, a potent fear of black hooded capes or curtains, and an odd obsession with pirates, fan fiction, the time-space continuum, and fictitious beings of all nature, etc..)


End file.
